Last night at about 2am I was laying in my Aunt's much too-comfortable bed when I realized it has been one week. A week since leaving Prague. It hit like a brick in my chest, and I had to just stop for a second. Think.

I like that I remember moments at the most obscure times. I am here, on Beaver Island, in the middle of Lake Michigan, with my mother and Aunt. Sometimes I want to burst out to them, "There was this one time, at the pizzaria down the street..." but I hold back, keep them floating in myself. I write some down.

It's exciting to be back, to have reality again, but also disheartening. In Prague I didn't have to work for anything. All was a game, relationships were so easy because we were all we had. We didn't put up many fronts. Here, I have to chisel at people. I have to knock of little pieces then make sense of them. Usually I don't want to.

My mother missed me so much, all she can do is talk and talk. Sometimes it's the same question three days in a row, the same celebrities from People magazine, the same comments about my hair. I understand the needing to communicate, but it's hard to tell her I'm the exact opposite. That all I've done for three months straight is talk to people, and now all I want is silence. All I want is sleep, and the beach, and books. Notebooks.

But in 52 minutes I get my first real massage. I'm nervous, it's such a weird thing. Hello, rub my back. I'll give you money. So awkward. But I neeeeed it. Walking into the library I could feel the knot in the center of my shoulder blades with each step. Hopefully it will disappear.

Well, friends, it's over. Caroline is no longer in Prague. My entries began to dwindle because I decided to fill my time with people instead of computers for my last week. Shoshana said she thinks she got a total of 10 hours of sleep for the week and first I laughed, but then I realized she's probably fairly accurate with that statement. Yesterday we were all so sleep deprived we could not function. Honestly.
We wandered the streets of Prague in search of crepes, row boated on the Vltava, ate at a beautiful and terribly expensive restaurant on the water, stayed up until 2, then had a massive sleep over in my room: Amanda, Shannon, Sho, Rich, Caroline. Except I was a punk and mostly slept in the lobby, too distracted to sleep when they did. I stayed up later, wandered around outside soaking in my last night.
We woke up at five to make it to the airport on time. I don't know who was crying when or how hard, but it happened. I felt very terrible the past two days in terms of health, so I took a Dramamine to help me sleep. When I woke up I was in the worst condition I've been in for years. I had an insane fever, even without a thermometer. My skin burning but I felt so horribly cold. I toughed it out through the flight and by the time we landed I was just aching like mad. When I got back home, three hours later, I ran a temperature of 100.4

Pish posh.

Now that I'm back in Michigan, it feels like Prague never happened. Which is why it's good I kept this, and many other, record of my stay there. I filled one Moleskine and began a second-- the second was about 12 pages in, 12 pages of glory including a huge reading list I accumulated from classes. And what did I do while sitting on our second plane from Amsterdam to Detroit? I realized I left my second Moleskine in the pocket of the seat ahead of me on the plane from Prague to Amsterdam. WTF. My fingers are crossed that someone finds it and emails me, asking how to get it back to me. It's so depressing to have lost that. There were words in it; they were mine.

Now I am sweating like crazy because it's hot in Michigan. So glad Shoshana's staying the night because I need some validation that the past month really happened. Tomorrow we'll already (hopefully) have a reunion to see Black Knight, because it hasn't come out in Europe yet and we're all pumpeddddddd.

Love.

So many things have happened! Today is already Tuesday! Or Wednesday! It's late.

This weekend was a trip to Cesky Krumlov, a castle town about three hours south of Prague. We saw an opera (La forza del destino) in the castle gardens. The theatre was a huge revolving circle of chairs, and the entire opera was outdoors. The actors had no microphone system, which was annoying for the first scene but then became so very impressive. I won't lie, I slept through a large portion of the scenes with few people, but the scenes I was awake for were absolutely fantastic.

We spent Sunday walking around Ceske Budejovice and Jindrchuv. There was a nicely priced and better tasting coffee shop that we got espresso and gin & tonic in, and the bus ride home was insane-- Shoshana, Richard and I were very sleep deprived and in desperate need of the bathroom. It was entertaining.

Friday a group of us went to see Don Giovanni as a marionette show near the university. It was insane. The music is beautiful in that show, but I was laughing the vast majority of the time. Everyone came out with smiles because the entire thing was ridiculous.

If I wasn't so sleep deprived I would write something entertaining, or useful, or insightful. But, alas, I am exhausted and in need of a shower. Priorities, who needs 'em?

Yesterday I bought an amazing pair of shoes for about five dollars. Tonight a group of us are going to see Don Giovanni as a marionette show-- my biggest investment in anything that didn't include traveling (630Kc, about $45) but marionettes are a big deal here, so it should be quality.

I'm anxious, want to go buy jeans. Might just venture on my own for a bit. Had incredible pink soup today-- no idea what was in it. Beets?

The past three days have been slow and unproductive. I've been skipping out on the walking tours and monuments for a bit, taking a few hours to just breathe, and separate myself from everything that's been going on. I've been reading, wandering, and writing (a little) with more of a purpose.

I pulled out Arnost Lustig's Lovely Green Eyes from the PSP library we have here. I read about 20 pages and it's already so heartbreaking. I love learning about the war from the Czech perspective-- I've never been one to enjoy history, but coming here has changed that.

This morning I slept very late, went to bed very late. I woke up to Tyler in my room checking up on me again, then Joshua and Ryan. I love how caring we've become. We've turned into a Prague Family and I am grateful.

I knew I was getting stuck in a rut, a self-perpetuating negative mood, so I flipped things around by going for a run in the rain. The endorphins are doing their magic now, so I'm feeling better. Very much looking forward to the reading tonight, then dinner with the girls at the Globe.

Everyone is in a downswing, here, it seems like. We've hit the point where we know our trip is past halfway; the thrill of drinking has worn off and sobering up has made everyone introspective and quiet.

I have two pages left in my Moleskine journal. I am writing constantly, but not really writing. I can't seem to handle the whole processing, structuring, detailing, writing for an audience thing. Instead I am recording small events in smaller writing and keeping it all bound up with elastic. I write on the tram, on the cobblestone pathways, in art museums and parks.

My eating habits are evening out, also. We've found our regular grocery stores, the best and least expensive ice cream places, and our favorite dishes (I've fallen hopelessly in love with potato & mushroom soup).

Socially, there is drama, of course. We're a mini society under a microscope on speed, pretty much. Relationships are intense. It's both entertaining and exhausting.

This afternoon our lectures were both on the Jewish Eastern-European perspective. The focus was around the Czech Republic (surprise), and both speakers were amazing: Tomas Kraus & Arnost Lustig. Arnost is a widely acclaimed author, has been on the shortlist for the Nobel Peace Prize. I'm excited to read his novels when I get back into the states. He's also coming to WMU in the fall (October) for a three-day long series of talks & presentations.

It's been rainy and colder here for the past five or so days, but today it's clearing up and warm enough for t-shirts and skirts again. I'm going to savor it and go read in the park.

This morning I woke up at 12:15 in the afternoon, to Tyler in my doorway asking if I wanted to go to eat with the gang. Josh, Tyler, Ryan, Shoshana and I ate at a fantastic bagel place.

From there Sho & Josh left, and the remainder went to the contemporary museum of art (not official name, can't remember...) it is HUGE and GORGEOUS and WONDERFUL and I have a lot of quotes & artists' names written in my Moleskine. Can't even tell you how in love I was with the art there.

Came home, read some more Kafka (he's growing on me, these crazy Czech authors...) and waited for Rich to get back from the photo trip they took. He arrived; Sho & Rich & I went to dinner and for a lengthy walk down to see the Charles Bridge at nighttime. Everyone was reflective and quiet-- thinking about how insanely difficult it's going to be to leave this city.

While we were at dinner (we later found out) Ryan was rushed to the hospital because he was throwing up blood. Once we all discovered this had happened, Shoshana, Rich, Shannon and I held vigil outside his door. We had blankets, iced tea, and a Jackie Chan movie to bide our time until he got back. Turns out it was a stomach infection or something similar, and cost him a ton of cash to get taken care of.

We're crossing our fingers that Ryan's better by morning, but overall it was a very good, relaxing day. I'm glad I slept in so late, but this is definitely the one and only night where I'll do it. :)